Nights and days began to blur as she tried to continue life without him. She remembered the last goodbye. He held her tightly in his grasp and she never wanted him to let go. The way his face glistened with tear-filled eyes broke her heart into pieces. They spent every day together. She played memories of them in her head over and over on repeat. The first night they kissed, and even the first night they realized they had fallen in love. The memories were endless and she never wanted them to fade. He had left for the United States Navy for deployment. She has not heard from him and she was given information that he was lost at sea. Kallie waited for him to call. Weeks went by and then months, yet still no call. The military police came by to break the news. "Ma'am, I am sorry to say but your husband Jamar has been lost at sea. The SEALs' ship got caught in a big undertow and pulled the ship down." Her cheeks began to swell and her eyes filled with tears. Her ears could not believe it. Jamar, her rock, her husband, her friend was gone. She wished she could fall into a deep sleep that will allow her to skip so many of these days without him.
Navy SEAL
The next couple of months dragged on even more and Kallie grew desperate on believing he would return. She noticed his best friend Mike was coming around more often at her job at the "Giggly Wig Journal,"where she was a writer and reporter. Mike and Jamar had been friends since they were kids and before the accident were inseparable. One thing that drove them into arguments was in fact Kallie. At one point Mike admitted his attraction to Kallie and Jamar became very displeased. Now Jamar is gone and Mike had a mission and Kallie knew it was her. The one problem with Mike is his handsome features. His smile lit up the room and melted women's heart. He had a defined muscular core and arms. His eyes were a deep green and his hair was dirty blonde. He was what young girls call "the dream guy." Even though Kallie knew this could be wrong she kept him at a short distance and allowed him to be her friend. Little did she know that might have been her biggest mistake.
The Betrayal
About eight months had passed since her husband Jamar went missing and Kallie was holding up a little bit better. She decided to believe he was gone. The only thing she could do was move on and hope maybe she could be wrong some day. She typically stays to herself unless Mike came around. Lately he had been fixing things in her home and helping her clean up. She lives in a big house and for her alone it would be hard to keep up. One day Mike started acting strange and Kallie could not figure out why. He would shrug her off when she asked if he needed help fixing some light bulbs. He declined the lunch she had made for him, and he did not speak very many words to her. Kallie soon realized she could not take the tension anymore, and started stomping her way toward the pools edge in her backyard where Mike was. She began yelling, "What the hell is your problem?" In a disinterested tone Mike exclaims,
" What do you mean?"
She continued, " Well, you have been ignoring me, not talking to me, and so I want to know what is your problem?"
He paused for a second and stood along the pool with a puzzled look on his face, and then he explained.
"Well, after everything I have done I figured I would at least get some action if you know what I mean."
Outraged by what he said she yelled at him and told him it would never happen. She said she still loved her beloved husband and until she knew he was truly gone she would remain loyal to him. After she screamed she stormed into the house and did not look back.
Colton Haynes
Beautiful End
After some minutes inside her big empty home she heard a noise coming from the front door. She began to walk steadily toward the door to investigate the sound. As soon as she reached the front door she noticed it was open. As she turned around she saw a figure standing in front of her. She began to cry in disbelief. It was her beloved. She ran and jumped into her arms. She knew he would come back. He brushed her hair out of her face with his manly fingers and told her how he made it off the ship before it crashed and sank. That they survived off this abandoned island in the China Sea and they ate their military rations to help keep them alive all this time. Her heart sank to the floor as she was wrapped in her man's arms. She could not believe he was here and it could never have come at a better time. Life after that point was a blur. She was happy now more than ever and she also found out she had a little boy on the way.
Lydia and Stiles
Author's Note:
My story is based off the comic book story, "She Gave Her Heart to Krishna." The story is about this little girl Mira who gave her heart to the Lord Krishna and promised to only serve him and not another Deity. When she got older she married a prince who was against her strongest belief. She was told to stop worshipping Krishna and she would not. My characters are different. Kallie is a representation of Mira yet she has a happier ending. Kallie instead loses her husband who is a Navy SEAL and she gets tempted in other ways. Mira's loyalty to Krishna is tested and she stays steadfast. Kallie in her own way stays completely loyal because she never touched another man while her husband was away. She was a good wife like Mira and stayed true. Another interesting fact is I started out with the military theme because my husband and I both met in the military. He was my " man in uniform" and I also wore the uniform. I began to think about the first time we were separated due to the military and I remembered how bummed out we were. I took my story from there adding twists and turns in the story so I could provide a more adventurous appeal. My husband is not a Navy SEAL but if he was lost at sea I know I would wait for him. My story is a reflection of how in real life we come to a point where we are tempted in some way. The way we think is questioned and things may derail what we believe in. The key to this all is to remember who you are and where you came from. The only person that will ever be strong enough to live your life is you. I wanted my story to represent that.
References:
Mirabi- She gave her heart to Lord Krishna
I enjoyed reading your take on the story. I enjoyed how she remained loyal to her husband instead of moving on immediately after his death. The friend seemed like a good guy and the twist at the end made me glad she chose to remain loyal. I was happy when the husband came back and could imagine how happy this made the wife. This was a great story this week, good job!
ReplyDeleteThis story was fantastic! It is great that you were able to have this story have a Navy SEAL theme to it after reading your introduction and finding out that you were in the Navy. I also really like how you incorporated the GIFs into your story. They add a lot of imagery and make it give the story the visuals that it needs! Great job overall.
ReplyDeleteHi. I really enjoyed that your story ended had a happy ending. For a second I was beginning to believe she would end up sleeping with the best friend, but I am glad things turned out for the best. Overall, I really like how you transformed the story. It is really fun to read everyone's stories because they begin as Indian epics and transform into modern plots like your own. I think that is really interesting. One thing I think would be a good idea to do is to expand on the relationship between the husband and wife. Maybe rather than starting straight away with him leaving, you could write the part where they find out he is being shipped off and all of the situations that would take place leading up to that point. I think it would be a good idea to expand your content as well. Very nice read.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great story!! I love how you put a modern twist on this and even added new dialogue. I love feel-good stories like this, and I like how you made the female character strong and loyal. This is such a great message! I look forward to reading more of your stories!!
ReplyDeleteAfter reading your drug/gang story, I wasn’t sure if this one would have a happy ending or not, so I was pleasantly surprised at how well everything worked out for Kallie and Jamar. I wasn’t familiar with the story this was based on, but after reading your author’s note, I appreciated your story even more—you’re really great at taking the core of a story and spinning it off into a modern, relevant adaptation, and I think this story proves that. I also love how you’ve used gifs instead of pictures to illustrate the scenes, because somehow that makes it all seem more lifelike. (Also, once again, I love the visual Teen Wolf shout-outs. Jackson and Mike do seem like they might get along pretty well.)
ReplyDeleteMy only suggestion is that you go back through and check your tense throughout, because sometimes it slipped back and forth in places it shouldn’t have. But awesome job with this—I enjoyed getting to read it!
Wow! That first paragraph was so powerful! It really made me feel bad for the main character. You mention an accident between Mike and Jamar, but never explain what that accident was? What if in the second paragraph when you discuss Mike liking Kallie, you tell the readers whether Kallie had ever liked him?
ReplyDeleteI wonder why you have the second section labeled The Betrayal? There was no betrayal going on was there?
What a happy ending! I do wonder, though, are Mike and Jamar still friends when he comes back? Is there a big fight when he finds out Mike was trying to move in on his wife?
I loved your author’s note! It really tied together some lose ends for me! I do think however, it would be good if you could find a way to more tie in the original story. I had a tough time figuring out how it related to the class since that is a story I have not read. Overall though nice job!
Hey Anna! I really enjoyed this addition to your portfolio. The emotion is immediately set in the opening sentence. The themes of loyalty and love are strong throughout the entire story and really tie each character in well. In addition to the descriptive writing, the narrative also helped portray the characters in a relatable way. For instance in your opening paragraph you said, "The military police came by to break the news. "Ma'm, I am sorry to say but your husband Jamar has been lost at sea. The SEAL's ship got caught in a big undertow and pulled the ship down." Her cheeks began to swell and her eyes filled with tears. Her ears could not believe it. Jamar, her rock, her husband, her friend was gone." This set the tone right from the beginning and led to the happy ending. Overall I really enjoyed this story. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteWow, I had so much fun reading this story! My favorite part was how there is a third character in between the couple. I almost thought she was going to cheat on her significant other. I think my favorite part of your story has to be the mystery of what this “other guy” will do. I also loved the surprise of the baby on its way! I did wonder a bit more about how close the couple really was. You could possibly add in a really cute memory of theirs like a first date or something to make the story more relatable. I think you did a great job in writing your story. There was enough imagery for me to picture everything taking place. Overall, I think you are a very talented writer, and I look forward to reading more of your portfolio! Good luck with the rest of your writing.
ReplyDelete